Today I glanced at my twitter feed and noticed this post by Don Miller. He was writing about how his mind wanders and he could daydream all day if he wanted, but that contrary to what some might think, such fantasizing can actually be a great hindrance to creativity. Miller made a distinction between imagination and fantasy. Imagination is the life source of great art. It is what draws you into a work of art like a tractor beam, be it painted in colors or crafted in prose. Fantasy, on the other hand, is a useless distraction. Why?
Imagination is productive, while fantasy is about escape. Interesting.
I'm not a writer, but the reason Miller's post caught my eye was that just yesterday, a friend and I were talking about what we daydream about and why. I said that I often caught myself fantasizing about doing something great, be it a heroic act or a stirring message, and that what I was longing for in those daydreams was recognition. After all, I do describe myself as being good at everything, but great at nothing. But, Miller's thoughts came down like a hammer on my soul.
I'm not longing for recognition, what I'm really longing for is glory. Saying it that way is only meant to cover up the treason that really lies in my heart. I don't just want people to notice me by imagining myself in situations where ignoring me would be impossible. Instead, I strongly desire that others would see me as being glorious and worthy of awe. Simple recognition won't suffice.
But all glory that isn't ascribed to God is an affront to His worth. What I'm searching for in my fantasies is to rob God of His glory. Of course, I could never say that outright, which is why I phrased it the way I did to my friend--"I'm longing for recognition." That's a bold faced lie.
I want Glory. And that infinitely devalues the redemption that Jesus Christ bought for me through His shed blood. In fact, the very idol of self that I set up every time I go seeking for glory, is the very idol from which he died to give me freedom. Christianity is a relationship in which God invites us to deny ourselves, die to ourselves, forget ourselves, and follow Jesus as He transforms our insignificant little lives into means of accomplishing acts of eternal significance. In my own hands, I'm but a child's drawing in the wet sand, waiting to be washed away by the next tide. But in His hands, my life becomes a brushstroke in the incredible work that is His eternal plan. I'm only beautiful in the right context in the the hands of the right artist.
My name is Mike Gorski, and I'm an idolater. I love myself too much.
My name is Mike Gorski, and I'm a sinner saved and sanctified by pure grace. All the glory and honor to Christ my Savior.