Saturday, March 17, 2012

I'm Back!

So, it's been awhile since my last post. Actually, it's been like two years, I think. There are a million reasons why I haven't posted in forever, but here are just a few.

WHY AM I WRITING ON THE INTERNET, AND WHO CARES, ANYWAY?

I think that deep down, my blog exposed somethings about me that I didn't particularly like seeing. In a post from the distant past, I talked about having a bit of a superhero complex. Oddly, I often find myself fantasizing about various situations in which I do, or say, the perfect thing that ends up saving the day. Many people don't think that this is very serious, but my time working with the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners, aka WHM, taught me that such fantasizing is spiritual treason. After all, why do I so rarely fantasize about God saving the day?

Anyway, all this spills over into my adventures in the interweb. In theory, my blog started out as a way to stay in communication with people back home when I left for Spain about five or six years ago. That was very honest and innocent, but, because of the aforementioned sinful tendency that I have, there was always a fear that I was using it to stroke my superhero complex. Sort of a way to write and pretend that I was one of those really great bloggers (like Tim Challies), but with the safety of knowing that nobody actually read or cared about what I was writing.

All this led me to pose myself the question, "Who cares anyway?" I mean, why should anyone care what I think about anything? Mike Gorski is just an average person who does everything...well, average. Interestingly enough, this is linked to another sinful fear of mine, that I'll never be good enough at anything to be useful. When I read the most interesting books or blogs, or hear great sermons, I'm often convinced that the reason the person was so compelling is because they are so naturally gifted, and I am not, nor will I ever be endowed with such natural abilities. Of course, there is some truth here. Most people aren't in the habit of reading books written by freshman in college, and for good reason. But, my sin nature would again take a half-truth and pervert it into a seemingly stronger imitation of a full-truth.

At the heart of my not writing for fear that I'm not smart enough to please other people is the sin of people-pleasing and approval seeking. Again, there are many who read those sins and think, "That's nothing! It's not like you were tempted to put naked pictures of yourself on your blog!" However, these are root sins, not surface sins.--sins that permeate everything that I do and every interaction I have. I'm constantly struggling with pleasing people and convincing them to either like me or say good things about me. So, of all the unfinished posts I have on my computer, they all have one thing in common--I stopped writing because I was scared someone would read it and think or say something bad about me, or the opposite, I wrote it to make myself look good, smart, and lovable.

LIFE JUST GOT TOO BUSY

Sadly, for the blog, life just got too busy and hard to keep writing. As a family, we faced a lot of trials, and for me, those were all mixed up with my cross-cultural struggles in France. Everything is harder when you live in another country. EVERYTHING. And the truth of the matter is that I didn't face my trials with the spiritual strength I should have. In fact, probably the greatest lesson I learned in all those difficulties, is that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was, and I was entirely self-sufficient in my walk with God. God's word being true, as it is, reminded me that God would never put me in a situation where my only recourse was to respond sinfully (1 Cor 10:13), but the bitterness I carried away with me from France revealed that Christ had not been my hope and ever-present Lord in my trials. Just the right idea.

And now, here I am in seminary at The WEST Institute, getting a full, two-year master's degree in one year, while trying to start a Spanish ministry in the church, take care of my family, and manage our apartment complex. Needless to say, I'm busy. Busier than I've ever been, and we can definitely all feel it. But, I'm back in the blogging saddle now, and hoping to write some short observations about our current life, like the fact that in the past year I've put on about thirty pounds. #fattyfatfat Oh wait, this isn't twitter.

If you happen to stumble upon my little corner of the net, I hope you enjoy it. But even if no one ends up reading it again...here I go.

Soli Deo Gloria

10 comments:

Onkel Olof said...

Welcome back, Mike!

Unknown said...

I just stumbled upon your blog. I read that you fear you are fearful that you arent an expert at anything that would make you want to be kept around. I too have this fear. I see the skills others posses so easily and I want to be like them. It took someone very close to me asking me to do a simple exercise of writing down everything that I am. Daughter, friend, believer, listener, etc. to realize I am an amazing amount of things. I may not fight fires, or be able to help repair someones car in a time of need but I am there for those I love and would do anything for them and that is a skill not everyone has. I think you have something inside of you that others adore and find to be a great quaility. Take the time to do the exercise and realize your worth. If you weren't meant for something important you wouldn't be here.

Good luck!

Kym said...

Blog for yourself, be your own superhero because the chances are no one will ever think upon us as anything other than average. We are all average and I for one like that... if any of that makes sense to you, could you explain it back to me?

Basia S said...

It's good that your back, you should write more of posts, I understand your reason I also had some problems with that. I hope you'll wirte something again. Good luck ;)

Diane said...

I pray that your spanish minestry goes well and also the masters degree. You may need to have shorter blog time so you are able to do school work. May God's work be done.

ReturnToTiffanys said...

Just stumbled on your blog and I feel the same way! I feel like life gets way too busy for this whole blog thing and sometimes you think nobody even cares!

Well I kind of changed my own mindset and just write because I want to and LOVE to!

So welcome back and Good luck!

Anthony Chimera said...

Passing time I pass threw the wonderful world of blog-spot every now and then. Something on your page caught my attention and I read your blog "I'm Back." Your a talented writer and I hope you continue your quest in life as well your writing. Good luck.

Avnirvana Bonovika said...

You stayed off the internet for two years? How did you resist the urge to type?

In a Happy Place said...

I feel what you are saying and as a first time blogger myslfe I am still trying to discover what it is that I am about and with time I will find it and I wish you hope with your blog. Feel free to check out my blog Cloud 9 Relate to Me.

natalla11 said...

Good that you back because I like you blog. ;) Welcome again!

I invite to me.