coche fantastico

Yes, David Hasselhof has used his brand of Miami beach voodoo to witch his way into the hearts of Spaniards. In fact, so much so that Knight rider reruns are on TV here. It's called Coche Fantastico--Fantastic Car (how true). Surely this is a sign that postmillenialism is utterly false, because if the world were getting better David Hasselhof would not still be on TV.

So here I sit, waiting to go check out an apartment that I'm pretty sure David (the other guy here with me) will take. But I have some promising leads, and if none of them work out I can always scotch guard a big screen TV box from the electronics store. That is a pretty big need. So is language. I need to learn Spanish. It seems that no matter how hard I try, these people won't speak english. Like when we went to buy mobile phones and the lady wouldn't speak english. Actually, she gave us our phones in "spanish language" mode because she said, "you need to learn." What? Who is she to tell me I can't speak English? I thought there was some kind of world law that says everybody in the world needs to speak English, but I guess she hadn't heard of it. Seriously, they are like cavemen here.

I am starting language school in a little over a week. This week is devoted to the city itself. I need to learn how to get around, and thankfully we have an assignment to help with that. Taking the bus, going into diferent stores, attending mass, finding all the Plazas, eating shawarma...basic orientation. I'm looking forward to using the little Spanish I know to ask directions and sound stupid.

Well, I'll write a bit more when I get time, but for now I need to eat some Golden Grahams and take a shower.

And Ward said there wouldn't be landmines...

I'm here. In just this 24 hour period of being in Spain I've already had quite a few noteworthy things happen, and since blogs are all about lists, here is my first SpainList.

1. We had a 7 1/2 hour layover in Madrid (the flight there was only, 7) so we took the subway into town, where Molly bought a pair of shoes. I fell asleep on the Subway.

2. I watched "Grosse Pointe Blank" (sic?) on my iPod while everyone else watched the airline movies and heard terrible sounds that made their eardrums burst--something was wrong, don't fly US Airways International.

3. I ate shawarma, the spanish equivalent to kebab.

4. I stepped in dog poop.

5. I realized how much I wished I already knew Spanish.

6. I got a cell phone (bling bling).

7. I started orientation and met almost everybody I will be working with here.

8. I decided to post on my blog.

9. I decided to go to bed.

Good night...or day...or whatever.

Over the River and Through the Woods...

I'm at my Grandparents in New York state, and I am pleasantly surprised to find that they have cable internet. Way to go Gramps. Anyway, this has allowed me to set up my primitive and incomplete email update list, as well as post on my blog at this very moment. It is tough to be in the in between stage right now, but it is great to visit family--even if everything I unpack has to be re-packed, which means I'll probably have to re-pack everything to get it all to fit back in my bag. The slightest of negative consequences for seeing them again.

Only three days left in the country now. I had the chance to speak with Andy Barlow today, and I mentioned that just in the last week I have begun to look at my situation realistically. Before, I looked at moving to Spain through rose colored glasses, anticipating all my difficulties and envisioning myself tackling them head on. But in the last week I have realized they will indeed be genuinely difficult. There will soon come a day when I am so frustrated with not being able to speak the language that I will wonder why I ever came to Spain. When that day comes I will have to look back and see all that God accomplished to send me, and that nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Except for eating ice cream. Now I look forward to these trials in a different sense. Previously, I saw them as occasions for victory and conquest and feeling good about how awesome I am. Now, I see them as opportunities for failure and being humbled and seeing how much I need God. It's not that I don't want to get through these future trials, but I want God to get all the glory for it, because when I am weak, He is shown to be strong.

On Sunday I fly to Philadelphia to meet up with David, Jamie, and Molly, then we'll all fly to Spain on Monday night. The timing is great as we'll arrive in Madrid just in time to sit in the airport for seven hours. The next leg of our flight is a little over and hour long, so I'm sure I'll need the break. Plus, I'm guessing that the Madrid airport is awesome, right? RIGHT!? I imagine that they have mini bullfights all day long. If not, they probably have a food court, which is just as good.

Well, I'm going to bed. Thanks for reading this and praying for me. I'll keep you posted on what is going on in my life and what I need prayer for.

Goodbye

Home. It is something that has eluded me for a long time. When my parents split up, any semblance of the typical idea of home--you know, the kind where the little kid comes in for soup and everything is always ok--disappeared. I learned that my parents have problems just like me. A hard lesson to learn, but a good one, because it made them human for the first time. Since then I have searched for a home in so many different ways. I've tried to find it in other families' homes, or with friends. Or in doing something that I enjoy, no matter where I am. But I've always been left empty. After drinking from each of these wells, I have continued to thirst. It is an insatiable desire, to have a place for total peace and rest. But just as soon as I think that I've found it, it's gone, like waking from a vivid dream, or trying to swat flies. And so I continue to hunger for home and peace and rest. And God has taught me a bit of why we each have this desire.

Deep down, we're all searching for heaven. We long, maybe even unconsciously, for the final redemption of all things, even the concept of home. We are pilgrims in this world (Heb 11), traveling toward the promised land where Christ reigns as King over His people and possessions. We long for the day of restoration, when home will be found both in all places and people and things, because it will all be as it was meant to be--perfect.

So, today I'm leaving Laramie for a long time. I'm leaving my family, friends, church, house, hometown, car, electric guitars; the people, places, and things I love the most. It's exciting and scary all at once, but I know that as God has given me glimpses of home and rest in each of these, He will continue to do so no matter where I live. But you can bet I will miss my family, friends, and guitars...a lot.

"He who testifies to these things says, 'Surely I am coming soon.' Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen."--Revelation 22:20-21

Transformationpartytime

My transformation is complete. I've gone from being a bearded mountain man who lived off of tree bark and raw meat to an emergent worship leader look alike to a regular at your local bowling alley to a clean cut lotion and cologne wearing metrosexual. Okay maybe that's not all true, but I do look quite a bit different. In fact, a few people didn't recognize me at my own going away party. They just walked right on by. How about that. Anyway, here are some pictures of my amazing metamorphosis (sic?) and my going away party.









Alright, so I lied. The party pictures won't load, which means I'll try to post them again tomorrow. God has been so good to me and I've overlooked and underappreciated that fact so much in the past year and a half that it makes me sick. He surrounds me with Christlike love through my church, even when I take them all for granted, and I'll post pictures of some of that love soon.

Easy like Sunday Mornin'

Church was great today. We were pushed out of our usual meeting place by the high school drama class (boo, drama), but the high school gym was more than willing to accomodate us. Thank you Gymnasium. Anyway, we decided to scale down the 'worship team' to just acoustic guitars, djembe, bass, and vocals, which I love. Playing electric guitar with a full band is great, but there is something grassroots and simplistic about an acoustic band. And I love Hymns, which made me happy as well. We sang 'God be Merciful', 'Poor Sinner Dejected with Fear', and 'How Deep the Father's Love for Us', on top of some other good choruses. So begins my Molly Ruff list of things I love.

But that list will have to wait for a day less manly, as the last two nights have been spent in the Man Room amidst good friends and good conversation. You'll know when that day comes, because the background of this blog will be pink with flowers on it, but for now, I am overflowing with testosterone and exuding manliness. I digress. Tomorrow I will post about something that has been on my mind for awhile, but my pastor's message really brought it into focus today. Also, I spent a little more time with Nate Scott and his wife today, which was awesome. They are straight cool. Plus, he gave me about 10 of his CD's to give away and help get his name out. I'm not a big fan of the Rap music, but I like Nate's a lot. If you want to check out his music, go here. How did we ever survive without MySpace. And cell phones.

Here is a picture of the Scotts that I took in front of my pastor's house. They are awesome and were extremely encouraging.

The Man Room

Some pictures to sum up an evening of testosterone filled fellowship in the Man Room--no chicks allowed. If it were summer, none of these pictures would include shirts, because we're manly...or at least trying to be.

It's called "ambiance."




Men present:
Sam. He owns the Man Room, although some would say that every man owns a portion of it (like Stevo).


Dave. He's the worship leader from...Laramie Valley Chapel. Unfortunately, you can't really see his horns in this picture, but believe me, they're there.


Ben. He just returned from Iraq on Josh Rose's birthday (Feb. 14)


Drew. He likes men...in a completely manly man Man Room sense of the phrase.


Superman. No comment necessary.

Nate's gettin' jiggy with it

A friend from my early days at the University of Wyoming's FCA is visiting this weekend. After being involved with FCA for about six years, it is encouraging to see that he is still walking with the Lord. It was great to see him and meet his wife of 53 weeks. Thanks Nate.

Also, I found out about a place called iJigg that hosts music for free, so I'm putting one of my songs on this post. You can put them on your blogs (though I don't recommend it, don't settle) of just listen to them. It will even keep track of how many times it gets pasted on the web. I'll figure out a way to put more of my songs on here soon...for your listening pleasure.

Here is my rendition of "Sweet By and By"--a Baptist favorite.

Sick Cat Strut

So I have been mildly sick for about two weeks, but yesterday it took a turn for the worse. I'm tempted to put a picture of The Tick battling The Common Cold again, but I already posted that once before. It will have to suffice that I'm pretty miserable, and I've probably blown my nose 200 times in the last day and a half. The word frustration doesn't really do my feelings justice since I have less than two weeks left here in Laramie. Those healthy goodbyes will have to pour out in a steady stream.

Only 12 days left, then on to New York to visit mis abuelos (grandparents, pretty good, huh?), then on to Philly for a night, then on to Spain. There are so many people to see and spend time with, not to mention the fact that I need to pack and organize 25 years worth of crap at my Dad's house. I'm a bit overwhelmed, if you can't tell. But, as soon as I recover I can spend 24 hours a day doing all that, right? Right. The most disappointing thing about my condition is probably that my Fu Manchu hasn't had opportunity to strut around town and pick up chicks. I'll have to go down to the bowling alley to make up for it. The awesome, raw attraction that members of the opposite sex feel when they see my manly manchu moustache is best summed up by the song, 'Stray Cat Strut.'

"I don't bother chasing mice around
I slink down the alley looking for a fight
Howling to the moonlight on a hot summer night
Singin' the blues while the lady cats cry,
'Wild stray cat, you're a real gone guy.'"

I'm a real gone guy.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

A few of the much anticipated photos I promised in the last post. I'm sorry that they are kind of lame (self-portrait), but my photographer hasn't been around lately...or ever.

David Crowder, or somebody else with a massive gotee (sic?), eat your heart out.



(Fu)Manchu March...in February? I don't even stick out in a crowd...Wyoming is awesome!!


Not as cool as changing facial hair, but it's pretty cool, right? Right?! Please think I'm cool!


I'll post more as my hair diet progresses.

How to Shave a Mole Rat, or, The Longest Day Ever

It has been awhile since my last post, and I am just finishing a long but encouraging day, so this little diddy will have to curb your appetite until I have more time and energy to be thorough. The following is a summary of my day.

I woke up at 6:30 to meet someone at a coffee shop. The person didn't show, so I just read a bunch of Psalms until this random stoner kid asked me what I was reading. We talked about life, Christianity, and the Scriptures until about 9:00, when he had to go to work. In the meantime, an old acquaintance from college came in and I was able to catch up with her for about a half hour. {insert shower and primping here}. Next, I went to lunch with two guys I play volleyball with, one of which just got back from being gone the last month. We each enjoyed an enormous burrito, and the conversation ranged everywhere from spiritual things to France to the joys and hardships of Open Gym Volleyball. After lunch, I did some paperwork that I should have done months ago, then had to go to the bank to gather some necessary paperwork information. While out I stopped by the High School pool to talk to my old swim coach/former coworker who informed me that one of our ex-athletes, who has been struggling with Leukemia, has only two weeks to live. I think the kid is only 21--it's a hard pill to swallow. Please pray that God gives me wisdom as I try to write something to him. I came home just in time to help my Dad dig the Camaro (Ow, Ow, Ow!!--the sound of tires chirping) out of the ice that surrounded the tires. Then, I had just enough time to get ready for dinner at Jason and Kristin Reid's house. I hadn't really met them before, but they were very encouraging and had great advice and wisdom to shower on me. I highly recommend them to anyone interested in knowing cool and mature Christians. I went straight to The Grounds coffee shop to meet my friend Amy, where we talked about anything and everything until 10:30 which is pretty close to what time it is right now.

Obviously, that is just a summary, not an exhaustive minute by minute account, but if you throw in a lot of coughing (not head turning and coughing, that was at my physical on Mon.), water, tea, and bathroom breaks (I drank A LOT of fluids), you pretty much know what my day was. Oh, a glasses update. I got new ones, for a decent price, the same day as my exam. Also, went through Phase I of my hair transformation this week--I call it the David Crowder phase. Next is the handlebar mustache phase, then the molestache phase (a normal mustache), then Phase IV, which is the clean cut, clean shaven Metrosexual Mike phase. Don't worry I'll post pictures of the whole process.

Mo' Problems, Mo' Money

I couldn't solder my glasses together, so I am looking for some cheap solutions. Unfortunately, it isn't looking good (pun intended). I figure that gives me two options.

Option 1. Shell out the money for an eye exam and get the cheapest grandpa frames I can find. Or,

Option 2. Continue going about my business without glasses and learn to be content living in a fuzzy world until the random mutations of Evolution fix my eyesight. But I would probably settle for having bad eyesight if Evolution would give me something cooler like telepathy or transporter powers. Even an Adamantium skeletal structure and the power to heal myself (even though Wolverine didn't get his powers through mutation, but from the wonders of science).

RIght now Option 2 is looking pretty good, and I'll probably end up going in that direction, but I might as well look into going to the Optometrist. Oh yeah, and day 3 of my workout regimen went pretty well. Maybe I'll let you know how day 4 goes tomorrow.

My Glasses Hurt, or, My Legs Hurt Real Bad

Well, I'm back from MTI and trying to reenter the upper echelon of Laramie's social elite, but encountering one major problem--there is no such thing. I know, I know, I could hear your surprised gasps from here in my living room, but this means only one thing, that I'll have to invent a healthy Aristocratic social circle here in the few weeks I have left. Don't worry there will be a lot of ballroom dancing and scotch swirling, I promise.

In other news, I started working out again. This has led to two significant events. First, I'm really sore. I haven't really done any physical activity, other than play volleyball two days a week, for about five years. That means I've gone from the apex of being a chiseled, invincible, NCAA division I athlete, to an old, fat, washed up, ex-division I athlete who plays volleyball just to remind himself that he used to be able to do things. And just to say it again, I'm really sore...but also happy to be doing physical activity again. But this isn't the only result of my monumental return to the gym. Today, as I was getting into the steamroom, my glasses snapped in two. So, as of today, I'm an old, fat, washed up, ex-division I athlete who plays volleyball just to remind himself that he used to be able to do things, and is partially blind.

And the end result of all this is that I'm going to limp around the store to buy batteries for a soldering iron to reconnect the two pieces that once were my glasses.

I can't get no...satisfaction

First day back from MTI and I've already slept in, skipped doing any physical activity (pushups and situps every night for the last two weeks), gone to an all-you-can-eat Mongolian barbecue with some missionaries, and listened to a reggae version of Pink Floyd's album "Dark Side of the Moon." That's a pretty full day, especially after the sleeping in part.

In the last post I told you that I would write a bit about what God has been teaching me lately. Here it goes. In the past, my knowledge and experience of God has been through books, which, don't get me wrong, is a good thing. I soaked myself in Systematic Theologies and Reformers and Puritans. Calvin and Edwards fed me through commentaries, institutes, and sermons. I learned a lot and got a great foundation for my faith. Then I read this a few years ago and it threw me into unrest. It's a Jonathan Edwards sermon from Hebrews 11 on living life as a pilgrim. You should read it. Seriously. Reading that sermon brought me to a place where I knew learning about God wasn't enough to please Him. It showed me that God desires that I know Him intimately and experience His great mercy and power as I walk in this world. I need to enjoy God. I needto live a life that is drastically different from the mediocre one I am living.

Here is an excerpt from it that I love:

"God is the highest good of the reasonable creature, and the enjoyment of him is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied. — To go to heaven fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, children, or the company of earthly friends, are but shadows. But the enjoyment of God is the substance. These are but scattered beams, but God is the sun. These are but streams, but God is the fountain. These are but drops, but God is the ocean. — Therefore it becomes us to spend this life only as a journey towards heaven, as it becomes us to make the seeking of our highest end and proper good, the whole work of our lives, to which we should subordinate all other concerns of life. Why should we labor for, or set our hearts on anything else, but that which is our proper end, and true happiness?"

So, here I am at the Grounds coffee shop in Laramie, convicted of the same truth that my life has been lived selfishly, and that should I die tonight, in many respects I feel my life was wasted on pursuing earthly joys and comforts. But the answer isn't asceticism and denying myself anything pleasurable (like...Cold Stone!!). That's the easy way out. The answer is the long, painful, purifying process of sanctification--seeing my sinful attitudes and then repenting of them. This means I can't justify when I think my best friend is an idiot and begin hating him in my heart. It means I can't be anxious about not being married when all my closest friends are. It means I have to trust God for everything and know that he only does what is best for me, even when it is painful.

Now, I still love learning about God from books, but what I really long for is to know Him through trusting Him for my every desire and need--to hunger and thirst for him like the Psalmist in Psalm 63. "O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. BECAUSE YOUR STEADFAST LOVE IS BETTER THAN LIFE, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My SOUL will BE SATISFIED as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with JOYFUL LIPS, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."--Psalm 63:1-8

Amen.

It's the Final Countdown...

Tomorrow is the final day at MTI and we're in the middle of a struggling 'Open Mic' night that more closely resembles the Iran hostage crisis than an open mic. Most memorable was some video of Alicia dancing in Paraguay. Since you don't know who she is it doesn't mean much. In short, she is the most shy person I've ever met before in my life. She didn't even look like the same person on the video. Amazing.

I'm excited to head home and begin final preparations for moving, but I'm going to miss my time here at MTI. I've made some close friends in a short time and I look forward to staying in touch with them and seeing what God is going to accomplish through them. They are some amazing people.

We focused on having good goodbyes today. It's going to be very helpful to me as I leave, because I tend to just say, "see you later" and leave for months or years. I guess that's not the best way to do it? But it's probably the most manly. Anyway, as I reflect on my time here I have a few prominent thoughts and memories.

1) I made some really cool and godly friends who will continue to have influence on me even after we part ways.

2) It was great to spend time with David, Jamie, and Molly, who will join me in forming World Harvest's "A-Team" in Spain. Sorry to everybody who just got bumped down to B-Squad.

3) As I mentioned before (in another post), someone told me the most encouraging thing I've ever heard in my life. Thank you. It meant more than you'll ever know.

4) God uses all different strokes of people to reach the world. I just had the priviledge of spending time with people who will drastically change the world, even though you'll probably never know because you live in America.

5) I have to drive home in the snow tomorrow. Crappy.


When I get home I will post a little more in-depth about some of the things God has been teaching me in the last three weeks. Good night.

BLOG!!

Dude Group

This morning our bible study group, which I aptly renamed Dude Group, decided to open up and share a little. Awkward but very good. Basically, we went around in a big circle and shared how we had been encouraged by each other over the past three weeks. If you know me at all, then you know that I am completely uncomfortable with people saying nice things about me, especially to my face. One person said something that almost made me cry. It was the most encouraging thing anybody has ever said to me. In fact, I almost cried. But then I remembered I was in Dude Group, and that I don't cry, so I choked back the tears for another day.

It's amazing how relationships can form in just a few weeks. I'm really going to miss quite a few of the people here at MTI, and hope to visit some of them while overseas.

In about a half hour I go in for my personal advising time. These times have been so productive for me and have made me appreciate the training I'm getting a bit more than I usually would. This is because I really enjoy talking one on one with Robin, one of our teachers. He is solid and has kept much of my usual criticism to a minimal level. When I think that something we are learning or doing is a little fruity, I know that he doesn't have any theological fruitiness in him and that he won't teach those things. He's cool.

MTI Tournament of Champions

Match one of the MTI Table Tennis Tournament of Champions: Mike vs. Nick. I won. I'm only worried about one guy named Jeff because he played tennis in college.

In other news, things are going pretty well here, but it is hard to believe that I only have two and a half more days here with my new friends. We have decided to make the most of our time together by going to Cold Stone again. It is a proven fact that ice cream is a catalyst to quality fellowship, just in case you didn't know. I think it's written somewhere in the Old Testament, but I couldn't tell you where, I don't read because it's not for this dispensation. Just kidding--I do read the Old Testament, and I'm not a Dispensationalist, but I do eat ice cream.

Here is a little something to chew on while you pine for another mind-blowing post on my blog. It's called Date to Save . Flirt to Convert!!

Emerged

My first emergent experience went alright, in that I didn't have a massive coronary. The church met in an old movie theater, much like the Scala Gemeinde in Magdeburg, and we sang a lot of crappy songs written by the worship leader. Some of the lyrics were so poor that I couldn't even sing along in good conscience. Very me centered, very...well, emergent, whatever that means. I am not too keen on the whole Emerging Church movement, but one book i absolutely want to read is, "A Generous Orthodoxy" by Brian Mclaren. I want my critiques to be well informed from a primary source, not simply relying on another's judgment. Anyway, I'm going to bed soon.

I'm Emerging

This morning I'm going to an Emerging Church in Colorado Springs. It's called Vanguard Church and I'm really looking forward to experiencing the service. MTI wants us to attend a church outside of our comfort zone, which in itself is outside of my comfort zone because I take church very seriously.

Here is a Spurgeon quote I read this morning:

"Remember, sinner, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee--it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee--it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that is the instrument--it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not to thy hope, but to Christ, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Christ, the author and finisher of thy faith; and if thou doest that, ten thousand devils cannot throw thee down.... There is one thing which we all of us too much becloud in our preaching, though I believe we do it very unintentionally--namely, the great tuth that it is not prayer, it is not faith, it not our doings, it is not our feelings upon which we must rest, but upon Christ, and on Christ alone. We are apt to think that we are not in a right state, that we do not feel enough, instead of remembering that our business is not with self, but Christ. Let me beseech thee, look only to Christ; never expect deliverance from self, from ministers, or from any means of any kind apart from Christ; keep thine eye simply on Him; let His death, His agonies, His groans, His sufferings, His merits, His glories, His intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look for Him; when thou liest down at night look for Him."

Hard Questions and a Heavy Chest

Last night I was a bit restless. My prayer time here at MTI has been great, but I haven't had much time to settle down and read a lot. So, I got up early, went to Starbucks, and read for a little over an hour. It was exactly what I needed. I happened to read Psalm 84 and started to meditate on my sin and need for repentance. We constantly need reminders from scripture, the Holy Spirit, and other believers, encouraging us to keep on keepin' on. I need to continuously fight to say with the Psalmist, "I would rather spend a day in the courts of my God than spend a thousand dwelling in the tents of wickedness" (paraphrase). To be reminded that the time past was enough for me to tolerate and enjoy sin (1 Peter), and that I need to focus on the eternal, not the temporal. I seriously can't describe how satisfying my time was.

One other question that came up this morning was about what my reaction would be to crime. I don't doubt that if I were attacked when alone, or with other men, I wouldn't fight back with violence. I might resist, but not with the goal of hurting my attacker. But what would I do if I were with a woman? My instinct would be to defend her by whatever means necessary. But is that right? Is it a lack of trust in God's protection? Does it shame Christ to protect the helpless? I honestly don't know. This question has crossed my mind countless times, yet remains unresolved, and will probably stay that way. But right now I will defend whoever I am with, because I would rather bear the shame of my sin than see another person suffer because of my inaction.

It was interesting that this question came to mind, because when I returned we did a hostage simulation. Long story short, I gave myself up for execution, along with the other young single in the group. I was amazed at the different ideas as to who should volunteer first. In my mind it was out of the question to let any of the married men or women die first. This brought tension to our group as we argued over who would die, but I wouldn't have allowed it to go down any other way. Darin wouldn't have either. I look forward to processing the whole situation a bit more and talking with David, Jamie, and Molly about it.

Needless to say, all of this is pretty stressful to experience and think about, and it has left an immense heaviness in my chest. I am haunted by the fear that my life has been wasted on selfish pursuits. Please pray for me about all these issues.

Speaking of the team, here is a picture. They are awesome and I can't wait to start ministering with them overseas.

MTI Day 2

So I didn't get back to the compound until 3:30am yesterday--it made for a long day. We did a basic overview of the SLICE course today, but I was really tired and still a little bored. I'm always a bit critical about stuff like this, but I'm doing my best to remain optimistic. And I do think that in the end this will definitely help me when I get overseas.

I'm helping lead worship, and after our "practice, I talked with Darin Dunn for a long time. He is heading to Thailand in the very near future and loves music and home studio recording as much as I do. He has a lot of cool pictures on his website, but you can also check out some of his music on his MySpace page.

I read through a few of my past posts and decided that I should edit a little better. I hate having errors on here. I suppose I should stop writing so late at night when I'm tired adn I cant' read good.

MTI Day 1

Here is a one word summary for my first day at Mission Training International: boring. Alright, only the orientation part was boring, the rest was fun...especially dinner. I like food. I'm interested to see what I will be doing for the next three weeks because, honestly, I don't know. Maybe I will be forced to play "get to know yourself", or, "hug your neighbor." I really hope not. I'm definitely not a hugger.

Right now I'm waiting to pick up some people from the airport. Apparently, the weather isn't too great in both Chicago and Dallas, because both flights have been delayed. But, as David texted me, "Derek Webb helps pass time." Indeed. At least they will still be coming close to the same time, so one won't have to wait a long time for the other. Wait, that's not true. I just got a call from the girl in Dallas saying something is wrong with the brakes on her plane. What do they need brakes for, they'll be flying, right?

This would make a killer movie. Let me set the scene for you. Dallas, TX, normally a mild climate this time of year, is hit with a freak ice storm, shutting down all methods of travel. Finally, one plane is ready to leave but...the brakes are frozen. That's right it's "Brakes on a Plane." Coming soon to a theater near you.

I might try to take a quick nap before I leave. I'll update you all soon enough.

Date Safer, Date Smarter

Every time I log out of MySpace it takes me to one of two pages. One is about finding high school classmates, and says something like, "I can't believe she's a model", and has a picture of a girl with huge glasses and some unflattering sweater on. The other is an ad for a dating service. There are quite a few variations, but today the title was "Date Safer, Date Smarter." Below that it had a picture of an uberhandsome dude and another interesting phrase--"we screen for marrieds and felons." It just caught my eye, that's all, but I'll keep that in mind when I start my dating service. Apparently, people don't want to date marrieds and I felons. I understand the marrieds, but felons need the type of meaningful relationships that dating websites offer too, right?

Good Fortune

So quite a bit has happened since I last posted. Okay, maybe only Christmas and New Year's Day (and a week or so in between), but I guess that's a lot. Anyway, Christmas was fun. Most of my new step-family was here in town, and we had an enjoyable couple of days. Plus, I got a KT Tunstall cd, some castanets, and a twenty questions ball. Everything you need to survive. Many of my best friends were back in town visiting too, which I love. I can't think of a more enjoyable way to spend my time.

After Christmas I had to start looking forward to New Year's, and preparing for the "Snowy Range Evangelical Free Church No-Talent Talent Show" that would take place on the eve of 2007. Honestly, I was a bit apprehensive going into it. Why, you ask? Let's just say I was playing in an instrumental trio where I was kind of the lead instrument, but we didn't have any singing to cover up my lack of musicianshipness. Oh yeah, and we were playing three songs that have words--Smells Like Teen Spirit, Tainted Love, and Jesus Loves Me (faux jazz version). It turned out to be a lot of fun though. I also got to play a couple of my own songs with djembe accompaniment courtesy of Andy Smith. He did a great job following me even though he had only heard the songs once before (during sound check) and I have a tendency to get nervous and forget how to count to 4. Thank you, Andy.

So, in the last week I have really been trying to focus on support raising, but it has been hard to get in touch with people. On top of that is the looming fear that my mission agency might not let me go to training because I'm so far behind. I still need around $900 dollars per month to get up to 100%. Pray that God will provide miraculously, that's what I'm doing.

But, it seems that things may be taking a turn for the better. Tonight, my step-sister Leslie and her fiance (I hate that word) came over to watch the Cowboys-Seahawks game and brought Chinese food. Obviously, free food is good enough for me, but that wasn't the only blessing tonight. On top of that, the Cowboys lost (by a point), and I got a sweet fortune. It wasn't really a fortune, so much as an affirmation of something I had already suspected was true. It said, "Others look up to you." Hmm. Thank you New Mandarin Chinese restaurant for that little attestation of agreement. I've always suspected that was the case, but now I can be a bit more certain. So, if you see me tomorrow, I'm sure you will notice a new air of confidence, a fresh spring in my step, and that I am exuding a hundred percent pure leadership. Don't try to fight it. The fortune cookie said so.

Dutch Blitzard

The Ommens (Les and Karen) invited me and the Martins (Dave and Kristen) over for dinner tonight because the Ommens (Andy and Helen) are in town for Christmas (three days ago). Confused? That's alright, now you know how I feel. Anyway, we had my absolute favorite Ommen dinner, some great fellowship, and a heated game of Dutch Blitz. What is Dutch Blitz, you ask? Well, it is only the game that pits husband against wife, and brother against sister in an all out war of cards. It turns friend into foe, and ally into enemy with just a few sinister shuffles. Emotional scars are but minimal wounds when the cards begin moving in all their hellish fury. But seriously, it is fun--even though I'm really slow.

While we were bickering away our lives inside, another six inches of snow accumulated outside...and it's still coming as I write. I really love driving in the snow. Especially at night when no one else is on the road. We'll see how it effects peoples' travel plans, i.e. the Barlows and Ommens (Andy and Helen).

Barlow and I started recording some harmony vocals one of his songs, and tomorrow we will keep adding to it. He is a great writer, singer and guitar players, even though he'll never admit it. I'll try to find some way to post it for you all to hear once we finish it.

And last, but not least, I want to leave you with a list of things that playing Dutch Blitz makes me want to say:

1) Dutch Blintz
2) Wolf Blitzer
3) Dutch Oven
4) #$@*!!!
5) Dutch Boy

Christmas Cheer

Merry Christmas everyone!! I am so full of Christmas cheer that I had to post a "Merry Christmas" message for the whole world. My Christmas Eve went like this:
1. Get up late and go to church.
2. Go to lunch.
3. Practice a few songs to play for some So.B.'s a little way out of town.
4. Play for a bunch of So.B.'s (Southern Baptists) a little way out of town.
5. Open some presents up at the Martins' house (some pimp gloves and a Gaither Homecoming DVD courtesy of Kristi).
6. Go visit the Aegerters, Norris', and Tillards at Julie's house.
7. Finally come home just in time to eat a few sugar cookies and watch the end of a Pink Panther movie.

I think I should stop making fun of Kristi for liking the Gaither Vocal Band (lame!!). I'll have to start making fun of her liking U2 or some other band I would like to have a concert DVD of, even though she doesn't like any good bands. Except Four in the Fire, of course. Just kidding. Anyway, have a good Christmas and eat a lot of food. Who knows when your next meal will come. After all, the Browns are out of town.

Matthew's Begats

Here is a video of me singing "Matthew's Begats" from our Christmas Extravaganza!--Andrew Peterson's "Behold the Lamb of God."

Enjoy.

Bleating Hearts Disease

Some highlights from tonight's Christmas Extravaganza!:

1) I totally screwed up part of Deliver Us, and I was the only instrument playing at the time (ouch).

2) I sang "Terez" instead of "Perez" in Matthew's Begats.

3) I ran out of breath in Matthew's Begats and stumbled over a few words, causing my accompaniment to stumble. Sorry, guys.

4) Drew nailed So Long, Moses.

5) The sound wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

6) With my beard and dark sweater I looked like part of a face floating around the right side of the stage.

7) My beard was awesome.

8) We actually kind of pulled the whole thing off. Yay!


So, tonight went a lot better than I expected. I taped it, so I'll try to post a song or two for you to watch. If you already own the Andrew Peterson DVD our footage will make you appreciate it all the more. If you don't, maybe this will be a little incentive to go out and buy it.

After the show, a few of us went to a house that our friend Amy is house-sitting. It was a lot of fun. I really like everybody I've met from SROM (Solid Rock Outdoor Ministries), but please don't tell them I've never really been hiking. They would probably kill me...or something. I don't know.

Andy Barlow and his wife, Caitlin, came into town today, so I'm hoping to spend a lot of time with him. Hopefully some of that will be recording some of his sweet new songs. I like songs. And bed. Good night.

A "New Beginning" on "The Morning" "After the Garden"

Just taking some time to let you know about some good opportunities to hear good music. One of my favorite songwriters, Andrew Osenga, has a couple of songs available for free download right now. They are both off of his newest album "The Morning", which is awesome. To get "After the Garden" just click on the picture thingy right below this.





To download his song "New Beginning", which is also on "The Morning", just put your mouse on these words and push the left button on said mouse.

Also, he is having a Christmas sale. Right now you can buy his album "The Morning" on sale for just $9.99 here.

Behold the Trial

Hello all. I just got back from a long day of setting up and practicing for our Christmas Extravaganza! Tomorrow night. We were working on it from 8:30 in the morning 'til 6 this evening. A long and frustrating, yet productive day. God will definitely have to help us out. The most frustrating thing about the day was dealing with the sound guy. He doesn't have a very good ear, doesn't want to try to fix things when they're broken, and doesn't want to listen to you when you try to help. That makes for a really bad mix in the monitors and the mains. Not a good combination.

But Andrew, the drummer, improved a ton today. He is a good drummer--he just needed to learn the songs. Especially So Long, Moses; the song that goes in and out of 7/8 and 4/4 time the whole song. There were times where Drew was so tight I actually felt like I was playing along with a CD. Kudos, Drew. You are a Drum man among guitar boys.

I don't know if I ever told you guys, but we are doing Andrew Peterson's Behold the Lamb of God for our Christmas concert. It is one of the best pieces of Christian art I've ever seen or heard. He masterfully weaves the thread of redemption through Old Testament history in a way that makes you long for Christ's first advent (which has already passed, obviously). In short, he makes you feel the way the Jews should have felt around the time Christ was born. He was the culmination of everything God had been revealing to them for the last 4,000 years (or so), yet they still missed Him. But, as we know, it was all part of God's great plan to save not just Jews but Gentiles as well (see Ephesians 2). Anyway, I highly recommend both the CD and DVD, "Behold the Lamb of God", but especially the DVD. You can buy online here.

Anywho, I'll post again tomorrow and let you know how it went. If you read this tonight, please pray for us. We really want this to be an opportunity to communicate the Gospel effectively to ourselves and everyone else who is going to come.

Someday, I'll be good...maybe.

Matthew Perryman Jones. Check him out. He has an out of this world voice and is a fantastic songwriter as well. On top of playing killer solo acoustic and full band shows, he is a member of Nashville's underground superhero network--The Square Peg Alliance.

As you can probably tell, I really enjoyed the MPJ concert last weekend. Dave, Kristen, and Josh came along, and we went to Cold Stone. If I ever get married, it will probably be to a smokin' hot, seven point Calvinist, musically gifted, rich, volleyball player who works at Cold Stone and has really low standards. Other than the concert, there isn't a whole lot of new stuff going on in Mike Gorski's Westworld. Except that I started recording a song I wrote and I am pleased with how it is going. All except the vocals, that is. But I guess that is just something I'll have to learn to live with.

Open Mike

I thought I would tell everyone how open mic night went this Wednesday. Remember how I was telling you that by participating I was basically setting myself up for failure? Well, that's what happened, only it was my friends' fault, not mine. Josh Rose came into town that afternoon so I was like, "Hey, do you want to play open mic night with me?" and he was like, "Sure." I had already asked Drew Martin to play snare, so we were now three. We would have called ourselves The Three Amigos, but we ended up being four. Dave was the fourth, making me change our name to Gunther Indigo and the Six Stick Hat Trick despite Dave's best effort at calling us The Mike Gorski Trio. Sorry, Dave. Maybe when you have your own talk show.

Anyway, I took some songs over to Drew's house to practice and it was awesome. We gelled together and tightened everything up, and added sweet harmonies (Dave and Josh) and percussion (Dave on shakers). In short, I was really pumped up. I'm serious. It was sounding really good. Then, we actually played at open mic. On top of the usual pitfalls of open mic, we didn't have a music stand, Josh couldn't see my guitar to follow along (he had only heard and played the songs for the first time twenty minutes ago), and I suck at singing. But it all added up to a great time. I love those guys and it was awesome that they came to help me out. Oh yeah, this was the set list (is three songs a set?):

1. 18 miles from Memphis--Stray Cats
2. the King's hand--Mike Gorski
3. Do you feel it tonight--Me, myself, and I

I especially like the third song. Methinks it's the best song I've written so far. If you can call a pop style love song a song, that is. Afterward a girl named Annie Peters kind of invited me to play with her in Denver. She had an amazing voice and was just being nice to me. Actually, I really just invited myself along, like the kid you hated who showed up to your twelfth birthday uninvited. I hated that kid. Back on track now. Annie is a folk singer who wrote a song for Grits. That's right, Grits. I would love to play with her, but I don't think I'll be able to. Thanks though, Annie.

Talking with Annie brought up a lot of insecurities and hopes and dreams that I feel will never be realized. I'll post more on that later. For now, I will only satisfy you with the knowledge that tonight I'm going to see Matthew Perryman Jones and Jonah Werner at Everyday Joe's in Fort Collins. Jealous? I would be. Have a great weekend and don't feel too bad that you aren't going to a sweet concert tonight. Unless, of course, you are.

"This little epiphany went wee, wee, wee..."

Tonight I was just plain anxious. All of my friends were either hanging out at a Bible study potluck or recovering from vacation, so I ended up at home. After my Dad and his wife went to the local performance of "The Nutcracker", I was left alone to spice up my evening. And what do you do when you're bored and me? You do something magical and musical, like say, play guitar. Actually, that's the only musical thing I can do, and it's not really very magical. So boredom led me to play through the songs I plan on performing at open mic night this week. Two songs I wrote and a song by the Stray Cats called "Eighteen Miles from Memphis." In doing this I realized a few things. One, I need a lot more practice singing. And two, my singing greatly depends on who I'm singing for and the sound system I'm singing into. Unfortunately, the sound system will be terrible at Coal Creek Coffee on Wednesday night, and I will be singing in front of a bunch of ultra-leftist liberal folkies, who love the fact that I'm exposing myself in front of them (artistically, that is) but hate that I am a Christian. Sounds like a recipe for success, right? Okay, maybe not, but I'm going to hack it out anyway and hope that someday they will find someone who can do something as simple as balance a voice and a guitar in one monitor and the mains. I digress. Wednesday night, Coal Creek Coffee, 8 o'clock-ish. Be there or be square.

Back to my exciting Saturday evening. I finished going through my songs, knowing that I'm almost certainly setting myself up for failure, and then headed to The Grounds to read a bit. My friend Jason was working and it was great to see him, even if it was only a bit of chit chat. White hot chocolate in hand, I sat down and opened my Bible to Ephesians. I have been "studying" it lately and so I reread chapter one over and over. A few thoughts came to mind while reading, and I hope to be disciplined enough to meditate on them further in the next couple of days. First, the doctrine of election is beautiful, not just because it is neatly packaged and logical, but because it is beautiful to God. I'm inferring this from reading the apostle Paul's descriptions of it in the first half of Ephesians chapter one.

"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8 which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10 as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. 11 In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12 so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. 13 In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory."

Election is not arbitrary or emotionless on God's part. On the contrary, our adoption is "in love" (v. 4-5), and "to the praise of his glorious grace" (v. 6). Our election and consequent redemption is "according to the riches of his grace" (v. 7), "which he lavished upon us" (v. 8). God doesn't just predestine just because he has to. He predestines because he loves us, and displays "the riches of his grace" (v. 7) through that. So, the next time I think of election as just being the U in T.U.L.I.P., I need to be convicted and look at election the way Paul did.

The second little epiphany I had while reading tonight was that I don't really believe that God is as powerful as He is. Verses 19 and 20 showed me that. "...what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places." The Christian's assurance for every part of life--physical, emotional, spiritual--is wrapped up in the word "immeasurable." Do I live my life like these verses are actually true? Do I trust that God is as powerful as He says He is? In a word, no. If I did, then when life overwhelms me I would know that this is the power available to me. When doubt assails my soul, I would remember that the same loving Father who raised His only begotten Son from the dead will raise me, His adopted son, as well. The resurrected Christ would be my proof that God can save the worst sinners and the greatest of hypocrites like me. This should drastically change how I look at the world. It should change how I live, how I pray. But first and foremost, it should fundamentally change how I think about God. He isn't just an old man with a beard, who only interacts with me abstractly through books written by dead people (inspired like paul or Puritan like Owen). He isn't only concerned with giving me a right intellectual understanding to prepare me for heaven. Rather, He desires that I know and rely on the immeasurable greatness of His power right here and now, in this present life. John Paton, the great missionary to the New Hebrides ( think Survivor: Vanuatu), said, "I'm invincible until God says otherwise." Now there is a man who rightly understood God's power.

More rambling. I just made you appreciate your Pastor or favorite author so much more. You're welcome and good night.

Top Ten Things Not to Tell Your Support Coach

Last night I posted the fake "Dear Jane" letter that I sent to my support coach Chris. Apparently it was a bit too realistic. This morning I awoke to an email and voice mail message from Chris asking about the message and whether or not I was serious. I called her to clear the air and let her know that I she is still the coolest (and only) support I've ever had, and that I am not abandoning her. After all, who could leave the support coach who thought this picture was hilarious:



Clearly, she has a great sense of humor. Unfortunately for her, it just wasn't as finely tuned as it needed to be when she got my email at 7:30 this morning. Next time I will make everything a lot more clear for her. Sorry Chris.

Tonight I thought that I would lighten things up a bit by posting Letterman's Top Ten List from last night. My Dad and I were busting up until they got to about the top two. That's the way the Top Ten List is though--number one is always the least funny. Here it is:

Top Ten Shows On The New Gay Television Channel

10. "How I Met Your Brother"

9. "Gary's Anatomy"

8. "Desperate Poolboys"

7. "Everybody Loves Raymond...Especially Steve"

6. "The King Of Queens"

5. "Not-So-Smallville"

4. "I Dream Of Gene"

3. "Gays Of Our Lives"

2. "My Name Is Earl And I Like Construction Workers"

1. "His Deal Or No Deal"

Not politically correct, but one hundred percent hilarious. Good Night.

My first Dear Jane letter

Tonight I had write my first Dear Jane letter. It wasn't easy to write, and it is definitely not easy to share with all of you, but I feel the need to be transparent with all my faithful readers. I wrote it to my now Ex-Support Coach, Chris. Here it is:

Dear Chris,

We have had some great times together, and you are much of the reason why I am as far along in the support raising process as I am. But tonight you said some hard things, and asked me to do some stuff that I am not particularly comfortable with. When we finished talking I just didn't have peace about sending out letters to all of my remaining contacts, so I went to my friends' house to talk about it. God is sovereign and good. My friend Jeff has quite a bit of experience and family history in missions, and apparently God brought us together for a reason, even if just for this night. For it seems that not only does Jeff possess missional knowledge, but other members of his family do as well.

So, I regret to inform you that I have found a new support coach. I know that in time you will forgive me and understand why I had to make this difficult decision. My new coach is Ben Brown. He is five years old and he goes to Beitel Elementary--the same school I attended. As I mentioned before, after hanging up with you tonight, I just didn't have peace about what you asked me to do tomorrow. I was explaining your demand to the Browns at dinner when Ben interjected. He said, "That sounds like a lame job. Don't do it anyways." I was floored. It was as if God's Spirit were speaking through Ben, his words nourishing my soul and guiding me like a pillar of smoke or of fire. I could barely muster a response, but I managed to say, "Ben, the LORD God has truly blessed you with an unmatched wisdom that is beyond your years. Surely you are the people and wisdom will die with you."

I know what you are thinking. You wish that Ben would have been alive when you started raising support. You are thinking of all the hours of sleep, streams of tears, and cartons of ice cream that could have been saved if only you had known of this Ben Brown years ago. Be comforted--God is the God of all comfort (2 Cor 1:3). Know that, "...for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) And, "...He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (Phil 1:6) Please don't look on me with ill favor just because of the advantage that God has given me. "Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honored use and another for dishonorable use?" (Rom 9:21)

My sincere hope is that this will not change our relationship at all. In fact, I think it will only make our friendship stronger. And I want to continue talking at our usual weekly time, so please keep it open. That is, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Blessings in Christ,
Mike Gorski






Who couldn't forgive this guy!

Quick Thoughts on Good Intentions

So, I recently promised to find a certain quote from a Kierkegaard essay and this time I pulled through. The essay is called "To Will One Thing", and I was reading it at a very crucial time. While living in North Carolina, I was faced with the dilemma of trying to find a job without the usual connections from Church. Before that time, I had never interviewed for a job. In fact, I hadn't really ever looked for a job--they always managed to find me. Obviously, the job-hunting process was very foreign to me, but my shyness and anxiety in new situations made the process increasingly awkward. With each unsuccessful attempt at employment I lost a bit more of my motivation to continue on. You get the picture, it basically sucked. But throughout this period, I held on to one thing--the fact that even though I couldn't get a job, I still really wanted one.

Enter Kierkegaard. What a jerk.

I was gracious enough to read his essays, even though he isn't even alive, yet within the first pages of the first essay he was exposing my utter loserliness. There I sat at 3 Cups on Franklin St., drinking peppermint tea and telling myself, "Well self, at least you want to get a job. That's way better than being a deadbeat who doesn't want to work." Then I read this: "This much is certain: the greatest thing each person can do is to give himself to God utterly and unconditionally--weaknesses, fears, and all. For God loves obedience more than good intentions or second-best offerings, which are all too often made under the guise of weakness."

At that time, I was completely defrauded. My front of desiring to get a job could no longer blind my conscience. Before reading this, I applied for jobs with these caveats--"I'm just learning this process, it takes time and practice so I might as well ease into it"; "God knows my personality and that this doesn't come to me naturally"; "I've never lived in a city before, so I need to get used to it." But these were just excuses. I thought it was good enough to acknowledge my weaknesses and half-heartedly pursue my desires, and that God would turn all those weak ingredients into some kind of casserole that still tastes good even though it's just a bunch of random crap. Kierkegaard showed me that my attitude should be to give all of myself to God, including my shortcomings. And knowing that if I'm obedient despite my weaknesses, God will be more glorified than if I just say, "Well, God, I wanted to try. And that's what counts, right?"

Must...defy...laws of...physics!!!

In light of my last science hating post, I felt obligated to share a story from my amazingly...amazing life. I have been battling a cold (much like The Tick did once), and so I spent the day lounging around watching movies and TV. I rented "Bottlerocket", then happened upon an episode of The Tick. I love that cartoon. It's keen. Anyway, in the episode I watched, Tick reached into a black hole to pull out a doomsday device. While extending himself into the hole he said, "Must...defy...the laws...of...physics." To make a long story short, he was successful, and thus saved the universe. He also defeated the ever-intimidating infinity ball, which looks a lot like an 8-ball turned on it's side. Well, I better get some rest for tomorrow. Spoon!!!

Hi, I'm Mike...

Wow. It has been a long time, and I'm sure you have all completely given up on me ever blogging again. So, here is the one sentence recap of the last couple months. I'm still working at the gym (though recently cut down to two days a week) and raising support (I'm pretty far behind, please pray) while staying active in church through music, bible study and co-producing a Christmas extravaganza, all while staying sane by playing volleyball (and traveling to my first tournament) and writing songs. Whew. That was actually pretty complete. If you throw in a couple of movies, a lot of free meals, and season three of Arrested Development it would almost be a video blog--minus the video part. I guess you'll have to wait until my reality show starts. Patience.

I just got back from Bible study and a very long and interesting conversation about science. In case you didn't know, I think that science as we know it is completely bogus. That's where this other guy and I basically disagreed. We argued about it for at least a couple of hours and got nowhere except he got to hear me say that I don't believe in gravity. Then, he heard what I think is an equally plausible explanation for things dropping to the ground, namely, little tiny bugs that you can't see or feel, that are always pulling things down to the ground, so when you let go of something they finally succeed. Just so you know, I don't actually believe that. Maybe I'll post about it in more detail some other time. I'm a regular Mr. Wizard.

Support raising has been really hard for me the past few months. I've been kind of paralyzed by fear, and I think I stumbled upon a habitual sin of mine when thinking about it today. I'm paralyzed by a sort of lazy inertia. An object at rest stays at rest, right? I know, the guy who hates science just used a science analogy. So what, I'm a hypocrite. Anyway, I think the main reason I struggle with doing new or different things is that I'm just afraid to jump out there and do it. With raising support, I know I am doing it for a worthwhile cause, and that God is glorified even in the process. But since it is different, I have to constantly battle to go do it. With dating, girls, marriage, and all that stuff, I know I want that and even lust after the future possibility of a family, but I am completely unwilling to interact with the opposite sex (does anyone know a good mail order service?). It all brings up something that a Kierkegaard essay illumined for me last spring. The essay showed me that to have good intentions isn't enough. You can't say "I want to glorify God by getting a job and serving Him in that position." God is not glorified in intentions when they don't lead to something greater. I will find the actual quote I have in mind and post more on it tomorrow, but for now I will leave you with this one. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." It reminds me of what Christ said in Matthew 7,

21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'" Whoa. The road to hell really is paved with good intentions.

This is hilarious!

I found a way to post that Dave Barnes video, so here it is. Enjoy.

Barnes and Ignoble

I've been having trouble getting up lately, and struggling with a little loneliness and depression. It is amazing how your general mood has an effect on everything you do and encounter. For instance, today I wasn't in the most spirited frame of mind. So, when I tried to go to my friend Julie's house for dinner and tupperware sales/support spiel, and she wasn't there, I about flew off the hook. Every possible self-righteous thought you could have popped into my head--"I took time out of my busy schedule of really important things I never get done to come here for dinner and she isn't even here. What's the point in even planning...blah, blah"--while every terrible thought about her came into mind--"She's just like everyone else, she doesn't care about me at all and only lets me down...." I was a stuck in a fury of emotion and rediculous ideas, and somehow blinded to that fact. I guess I really wanted to be pissed off and ignore any possibilities for excuse, just so I could wallow in self pity. You can imagine how I felt when I got a phone call from Julie at about 9:30 (on the phone that hasn't worked once all day, yet this time was clear as a whistle), saying that we're still on for dinner tommorow night.

I'm a freakin' idiot. Seriously. Granted, we really were supposed to have dinner tonight, but does that matter? God really humbled me and showed my sin of feeling sorry for myself.

Also, I have been getting a ton of laughs from a video on Dave Barnes' myspace site. Click on the link and watch the video that is on top of the other video. It's hilarious. His music is really cool too, so make sure you listen to the songs he has posted while you're there. He has a really great vibe and voice.

Catch Up

Okay, so I forgot to post after last weekend's festival of music/Dalits (don't worry I'll catch you up in the following paragraphs). To those of you who have been waiting for my recap with the same intense longing as I have been waiting for my box of Andrew Peterson CD's and computer memory--I'm sorry. There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth.

Anyway, last weekend was awesome. It started in Fort Collins Thursday night with a solo Andrew Osenga show at a coffee shop called Everyday Joe's. It was a really cool venue. Andy had a rough start but found the groove early on to give us all an enjoyable show. He is one of my absolute favorite singer/songwriters. He just communicates emotion so well--"These days they are a river, and we're all floating down/Every loved one, every neighbor, in Tennesee, in my hometown/So let us not take this for granted, let us not waste this second hand/So let your love rage like a lion, and let your heart break like a lamb." Dang. Seriously, though, if you ever get the chance to see Andy (or any of the other Square Pegs) don't miss it. Andy opened up for some crappy piano band man from Fort Collins. Man this world is bass-ackwards. So, after the show I went to Cold Stone with the Hubers, who showed up late for the show but made up for it by eating ice cream with me, thus getting me out of hearing a crappy piano band. Then, I drove home.

On Friday, I drove to Denver with Josh Rose, three high school kids from Riverton, and Cari Dittus to see Caedmon's Call. One of the high school kids was Presbyterian. That's cool. So we made it there in time to grab a Philly cheese steak at Large Marge's, then get sweet seats for the best concert I have ever been to. Caedmon's was great, plus their opener, Mandy Mann, had one of the best voices I've ever heard. Seriously, she has a beautiful voice. You should check her out, but know that the recording is like a 40 watt bulb and her voice is like the Sun. I thought my retina were burning just from listening. After the show, I got to talk to Andy Osenga for awhile about gear and he gave me some great advice that will save me money in the long run. The rest of the night was spent on Erich and Maureen Kirsch's couch resting up for the next day's Dalit Freedom Festival.

Basically, the Dalit Freedom Festival explained the plight of the below caste people in India, and how Caedmon's has partnered with the Dalit Freedom Networkto bring the gospel and social justice to these people. The short of it is that the Dalits are the "untouchables" you have read about in National Geographic. There are 300 million of them and they have been severely oppressed by Hinduism for about 3000 years. DFN is working to give their children a quality education and work to completely abolish the caste system. For more info, go to their website. They can tell you so much more than I ever could. After the freedom fest, we drove home, but not before stopping at Cold Stone in Fort Collins. If you can't tell, I REALLY like cold stone...a lot.

Before I sign off for tonight, I'll leave you with this link to a post on the Common Grounds Blog. This kind of makes me sick. You'll understand why when you read it. It's about how many President's/CEO's of Christian relief organizations make over 100K a year, or maybe better put, how shockingly few of the top 200 make less than 100K a year. But, who knows what they do with all that money? Maybe they store up treasure in heaven by giving it away. Or maybe they're just a bunch of hypocrites who drive luxury cars and have diamonds on the bottom of their shoes. I really hope not.

Holy Ghost Healing Miracle Tongues Revival

So I just got back from helping lead worship for a 'Revival' week at a small Southern Baptist Church in Wheatland, WY. It stirred up a few thoughts/observations.

First, Southern Baptists love 'Revival' meetings, and I don't quite understand it yet. From what I can tell, they are meetings where a speaker from somewhere else in the country, preferably someone in the Southern Baptist circuit, comes and tells your church not to be stuck in traditions. This is hard for me since I leave every one of these meetings thinking, "My church isn't stuck in tradition. In fact, my church desires to constantly change to reflect the culture of our members." But, from the Southern Baptist Churches I have seen in Wyoming, they do need to break out of the traditional Southern Baptist mold a bit more than they are doing now. Like, when you put 'Revival Week' on your church sign, don't expect the whole town to show up. Only Christian and non-Christian Southern Baptists will come.

The need for change brings up my second thought/observation/question. If the Pastors of these churches are godly men who are focused on preaching the bible, why do their congregations have such a hard time maturing? And another related question, why do we generally become less willing to change as we get older? I look at a lot of the old people in my church and am so thankful that they are an integral part of my church's mostly college-aged congregation. These people have been moldable and let God use them to minister to people outside of their original culture. That is how I want to age. I don't want to be stuck thinking I'm right just because that is the way I've always thought about a certain practical issue, like music.

Third, I'm pumped for this weekend. It is going to (folk) rock! I'm going to see Andrew Osenga in Fort Collins on Thursday night, then Caedmon's Call in Denver on Friday night, followed by some kind of workshop led by the band on Saturday. Again, I can't tell how much fun it will be. Anyway, I better get to bed. It's midnight and I have to work tomorrow.

Let's get to know each other...again.

Sorry it has been a couple of days (weeks) since I last posted. I haven't been up to a whole lot, but I have been busy at the same time. One of those periods of time where you are swamped and in a hurry to do eveything, yet you don't really get anything done. I hope you all have gone to freederekwebb.com to download 'Mockingbird' for free. I can't tell you how good it is. So good, in fact, that I might listen to it when I go to bed tonight.

In other news, as if if I gave you any in the previous paragraph, I am preaching tomorrow night at my church. I'm really nervous because I've never preached a Sunday message to more than ten people. Also, tomorrow it will just be the worship leader and I leading music with two acoustic guitars, which I love. It is easy to get lost in a whole band every week. Sometimes simplicity does a lot to refocus us. It's like getting a haircut--a bit of change really brings out what you liked and didn't like about your cut before. It brings perspective.

I have been reading quite a bit of Hemingway lately. Let me tell you, do not--I repeat, do not--read Hemingway if you are depressed. I think only two or three of all the stories I've read have had endings that aren't really depressing, and those few weren't necessarily happy endings, either. But, he is such a great writer. He conveys the thoughts, feelings, and intents of all his characters so well, and the characters themselves are so real. They aren't fluffy, always happy or always sad types, but very realistic. In this age of entertainment it is too easy to fall prey to superhero characters who are rock solid in every way. It is refreshing to see someone struggle the same way I do, even if they are a figment of some dead guy's imagination.

Well, I better get to bed. I promise to post more in the next couple of days--I've got a lot to write about. And if you want a copy of my sermon (to use as a coaster or pick apart) let me know and I will either email or send it to you. Oh yeah, and if you want a copy of Derek Webb's cd 'Mockingbird', then go to freederekwebb.com.

M.C. Hammer the Prophet?

So I've got something I've been meaning to post for a while, but events today just added to guilt of not already writing about, so here goes. Basically this post is just a testimony to God's faithfulness in answering prayer. I hope that it encourages you even just a fraction of what experiencing the actual answered prayers has for me. God is good and gives us all good things; and He only gives us what is best for us. Period. So, here begins the list of answered prayer in the last month or so.

1. God has been providing for me financially in very great and humbling ways. I began praying that God would help me to get rid of my debt on top of raising support for the mission field, and He is actually doing it. He gave me a huge amount (huge to me and the couple that gave it, at least) through a couple who were themselves just beginning on a faith filled journey. They gave me the money specifically for my debt. Amen. Also, God has begun to provide for my trip to Spain as well. Just tonight I talked with a couple who want to support me monthly--despite my poor presentation of what I'll be doing, etc...

2. God provided jobs for two very good friends of mine who were just married and moved off to seminary. You would think it might be a bit difficult for a teacher to get hired a few weeks before school starts, right? Well, God is even Sovereign over school districts, no matter what those flaming Armos say.

3. God sold my friends Dave and Kristen Martin's house.

4. God brought a friend of mine who has been out of church for years and years back to church. Now I pray that the fruit of this will show up in my friend's life, especially in the form of joy.

5. Today, I got to catch up with a friend who I care a great deal for but haven't seen in a long time. She has had a rough go of it the past few years, but is seemingly experiencing a bit of green pasture again. A great husband, beautiful daughter, baby boy on the way. But the greatest thing is that she has been praying for God to show her something more about Himself. I happened to be the instrument that God used to answer her prayer. We talked about the Bible and Christ's sacrificde for quite a while. We talked about why the doctrine of justification is so freeing. We don't have to try to work our way to heaven, and we would never be able to anyway. The righteous life has been lived by Christ himself, and that righteousness is imputed to us. But we still have motivation to grow in likeness to Christ, as we demonstrate our love for Him by ungrudgingly keeping His commandments continuing to die to the old man by living in the new man God has made us.

Anyway, I'm sure this isn't everything, but God has used these especially to remind me that He is working to answer prayer. He is personally involved in our lives and concerned with our welfare, even when we forget about Him in our near-sightedness. Even when the temporal so overwhelms and engulfs us that we can only think of earthly comforts and circumstances, God is there, moving every atom to bring us closer to Himself. He is in everything and every situation, demonstrating His immense love for us despite our lack of regard for Him.

God help me not to forget to see your loving hand in everything--be it physical, emotional, enjoyable, painful, special, or common. And should I forget, thank you for always working to repeatedly re-open my eyes to that truth. Amen.

Joseph Smith Meets Mike and Mike

Today was a half day at work because, well, we are just running out of things to do. So, I went to the bank then headed to my Mom's house to see if she wanted to catch some lunch. On the way there I ran into a guy from my church named Mike (great name), who just happened to be on his way to do a little street evangelism at the University. It turned out my Mom couldn't do lunch so I went evangelizing with Mike--very cool, very fun, very encouraging.

First of all, Mike is very eloquent and a gifted evangelist. I, on the other hand, am very shy and easily frustrated during street evangelism. We ran into a couple of ex-mormon missionaries who knew all the tricks of the trade, side-stepping every question they could with other questions, which is a very common problem for lost sinners who don't want to see themselves for who they really are in the mirror of God's word. Mike took all this in stride, finally bringing them back to the key issues of sin and salvation in Christ alone. Of course, they dodged this and took off, but I am really thankful that God was able to use this encounter for His glory. They put so much stock in the 'impressions' that 'God' gives them. They don't care about logic and reason. They really don't believe that "...all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of god". They really want to do everything they can to save themselves, and then Christ can finish what's leftover.

As a believer this astounds me. How can they keep believing these things and claim to have the Holy Spirit? They must feel a terrible amount of guilt and conviction every time they sin, knowing that they must not have truly repented and therefore are not forgiven. Any person who reads the Bible and honestly looks in their heart must admit that they are a filthy sinner and always will be until God finally changes them at death. If you don't see these things, then you are lying to yourself and ignoring what the Bible says.

DW Day: 10 Days and Counting...

Just letting you know that Derek Webb's latest album, "Mockingbird", will be available for download on September 1st. Oh yeah, and did I mention that it's FREE? Just go to www.freederekwebb.com on Sep. 1st to enjoy the goodness. This album is a bit controversial, very thought provoking, and a great way to start addressing some of the sins that plague American Christianity. When you download the album, please join the discussion there as well. These are things we all need to talk about if we are going to grow as Christians and come to biblical, orthodox convictions in these areas.

"Can't stand ya'!!"

I just finished putting together my first batch of support letters. I feel like George Costanza's ex-fiance Susan, who died from licking all the envelopes for their wedding invitations. I licked too many envelopes. I hope I don't die. In other news I cut myself with a saw and stabbed myself with a rogue screw today at work. Fun stuff. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit less exciting.

Right now my Dad's girlfriend is watching "Murder by Numbers" on AMC. It has given me a new idea--"Support Raising by Numbers". Who says you have to know the people supporting you? Tomorrow I am going to start finding random names on the internet and sending them support letters. It will be a sort of modern day money raising urim and thummin. So, if you randomly found my blog and are reading it, excpect a letter in about a week, then a phone call soon after. And make checks payable to World Harvest Mission.

Today was (is) a great day...

So today has been a great day. I haven't fully achieved any of the goals that I set this morning, but it rocks all the same. I spent a good portion of this morning sleeping, then I had a chance to catch up with an old friend. Subsequent attempts to catch up with other old friends were unsuccessful, but hey, not everybody can be home at once. Next, I rolled down to the coffee shop where read and thought a lot about James 1. God is really using that book to show me my sin, and for that I am grateful. I have needed that for a while. I have spent the rest of the afternoon locked away in my home "studio" recording a song. I'm not nearly done with it, but by the end I think it will really rock. Right now I'm sitting in front of my computer typing this to the five people (I like to be optimistic) who read my blog, which is giving the Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese in my stomach a little time to digest. Plus, the longer I stay out the the studio, the less it will smell like McDonalds when I'm done.

Back into the dungeon...

That's Racin'

I feel like my blog has been moving in a much needed new direction. Instead of posting about life and its struggles, I'm going to just start reviewing movies. Shaun of the Dead, War of the Worlds, Under the Tuscan Sun, and now Talladega Nights.

I just got back from the theater and honestly, the movie was pretty funny. And it was a lot cleaner than I heard it was or expected it to be (or maybe I'm just completely desensitized). I went with my friends Dave and Josh. Josh is just on his way through town, but hopefully we can wrangle him into staying for a few days. Actually, it would be great to sit down and play some guitar with him. We are going to try and play at a coffee shop in Riverton, Wyoming sometime in the next month, so it would be good to pick a bunch of songs and practice them. Sorry, that was a rabbit trail. Anyway, Talladega Nights was worth the five bucks--I got to turn my mind off for a while and just laugh.

Okay, I've decided that writing movie reviews would be depressing because they generally aren't very edifying, so I'm back to my original focus: networking in the hopes of finding free places to eat and sleep no matter where I go in the world. I mean: writing about meaningful things that effect my life and will encourage others to examine their lives in those same areas.

Have a good day.

War of the Tuscan Sun

Today was a fairly uneventful, but satisfying day. I woke up late and then played some guitar before catching lunch with Jeff Brown. Then, I bought three tons of sand and shoveled it out of the back of my Dad's truck into a huge pile in the backyard. Dinner was a barbecue in honor of my Dad's girlfriend's son and daughter-in-law complete with some fancy desert that tasted really good. So good that I had two servings.

The night is being closed with a few movies: "The War of the Worlds", and "Under the Tuscan Sun". I wouldn't have chosen either of them, but that's alright, I'm learning to watch a couple of crappy movies every once in awhile. They can't all be "Shaun of the Dead", I guess. Anyway, tomorrow I've got to do some stuff for support raising and then I'm going to do some recording with my friend Dave. I don't know what song he wants to record, but I'm sure it will be a lot of fun.

A Zombie Reunion at Bass Lake

Well, I just got back from the Martin family reunion in Minnesota. I had a great time even though I wasn't related to anyone, hurt my knee on the camp's waterslide (a very "Jackass" like moment with the Martin brothers), and can't sing eight trillion part harmony like every Martin to ever walk the earth. Seriously, they are born for singing. Anyway, I met a lot of great people and got to catch up with others I hadn't seen for a while. I enjoyed the trip thoroughly.

Also, I got a copy of the movie "Shaun of the Dead" at a Wal-Mart while in MN. It's a spoof of zombie movies like "Dawn of the Dead" or "28 Days Later". The short of it is that I love it. It is so funny that I almost undied laughing--pun intented. If you pay attention, you find so many little details that carry through in the plot, or the same language coming up from previous dialogue (not counting the F-Bomb, which gets dropped a lot, unfortunately). The only down side is that it is a bit gory, and the language is very crude (British humor), but I think if you can watch "Snatch" or "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels" in good conscience, then you can watch this one.